So tonight I'm feeling strangely torn between feeling inspired and completely hollowed out.
Let's start with the high. My friend Carrie Snyder's wonderful book, The Juliet Stories, was nominated for the Governor General's Award today. Just reading her blog on hearing the big news was enough to make me want to go running for my office and my laptop. I felt so happy for her and a feeling of being able to do anything myself and I wanted to do it right then and there.
But I couldn't (and here is where I'll try not to sound grumpy) because I'd just come home from work, had to take out the dog and play with her, go get the kids from school and discover that what was a bit of swelling around Rose's eye this morning (from a mosquito bite I think) had gotten worse leaving her eye almost swollen shut. Why her teacher didn't call me is another story. Tonight has been dinner, finding medicine for said eye, going back and forth on what to do, doctor tonight or tomorrow, which we decided tomorrow, and medicine tonight. There was a very barky dog, a wonderfully helpful 7 year old (honestly, no sacrasm), and two somewhat grumpy with each other for no reason except for being tired, parents.
It's been a long three weeks with our dog Bingo, who really is quite wonderful. There's been stomach flus and swollen shut eyes and tiredness, and grumpiness. There's been missed homework and forgotten library books. Books sitting waiting for me to read but sadly I haven't had the time, and laundry that seems to be piling up more than before, or perhaps that's just because sock season has begun. There have been sick little cousins in hospital and worries about aunts and uncles far away. There has been only thoughts about a new story I began before Bingo entered our home.
There have been stolen naps between craziness and time of wanting or just not being able to do a thing. And yet, when today brings one more worry to our small (protected and very blessed and happy, albeit often taken for granted) clan, I am here. I am writing this while Scott is teaching and kids are happy and chattering away close by. I am writing this while a dear friend insists on coming to visit tonight for tea despite what I may have first said.
I heard amazing news about a friend and her writing today and suddenly things don't feel so bad and I know that if a swollen eye and a new crazy puppy in the middle of swirling autumn colours and warm sunshine are my biggest problems, maybe I need to ease up and smile more at my wonderful and tired husband when he comes home.
***One goal. I'm going to be somewhat easy on myself. One story, which is in the midst of existence at the moment. Finished for submission for November's CBC lit awards. Not to win, but to get it done.